Who Leads in Your Marriage

Many wives want their husbands to lead spiritually in their marriage . . . until they start leading. Then, the wife realizes that the husband is leading, but not the way she thinks he should lead. You know, she says, "Lead, would ya!...not that way!"

Steve & I have seen this in marriages. The wife prays for years for the husband to lead, possibly encouraging (nagging) him to lead. When he finally takes the lead, she rebels.

Of course, this is the perfect time for her to submit. But it is very difficult to submit when you don't agree on an issue. I know from my own experience. What I came to realize is agreeing is not submitting. When I agree with Steve, submission is a non-issue. When Steve wants to take me out to dinner, I don't think how difficult it is to submit. I "want" to go out with him, so submission is a non-issue.

When I think that Steve is headed in a wrong direction, that is the only time that submission (or obedience) becomes an issue. I remember telling a engaged young woman that I really didn't deal with submission. At the time, we generally agreed on most major issues. A year later God put that to the test and we disagreed how to handle a situation with our daughter's education. I vividly remember telling God that I knew more about my daughter because I was the mom, the one who cared and nurtured my daughter. Besides, I had a masters in education; I knew what was best! God did not see it that way and I learned in a matter very dear to my heart to submit to Steve. In the end, God gave me the strength to submit when I disagreed. God was gracious and a month later, Steve and I agreed with each other.

One other area that is difficult for me is submitting in the very little areas of life. Submission does not mean in just big issues; it can mean submitting in little issues (when to leave for church, how to park the car, what snacks to have on hand). After many years, I am realizing that submitting in the little things regularly makes it easier to submit in the big issues.

Kerry

Christian Marriage